Now, I know what you're all thinking. What is a P-I-G anyway? Well, according to my friend attending college down in Tuscaloosa, AL it is an animal. In fact, it is "any of several mammals of the family Suidae, having short legs, cloven hooves, bristly hair, and a cartilaginous snout used for digging." Hm! Well, I guess he could be right. But Dang if I've ever heard of one of these crazy creatures before. Perhaps it's some kind of long extinct animal from way back in earth's history. Or maybe it's some kind of mythological creature conjured up by some ancient but not too smart tribe of human like beings. Well, whatever it is, it's cool looking on the package and I'm determined to put this sucker together before I have to leave tonight.
Step 1 - Take the four sheets of pre-cut cardboard out of it's plastic packaging and carefully lay them down on a clean surface. Each section is numbered and corresponds to a number in the steps neatly but disorganiz-edly arranged in the one page instruction sheet.
Step 2 - Start following the one sheet of instructions and build the front and back of this beast. For some reason, the people who designed the packaging of this kit decided not to put any order to the building directions. No matter! I am a MASTER of spacial skills. My girlfriend told me so and so it must be true.
Step 3 - Keep taking the little cardboard pieces out and put them together, following the instructions provided. Well, By the time I got to the legs, I said "f**ge these drawings, let's wing it millennium falcon style!" And so I carefully folded the one page manual and continued on unabated.
Step 4 - Smell to insure the construction is coming along as realistically as possible. Even though I have never encountered one of these beasts before (or even know if it ever was a real creature!) I'm going on the information given to me by my college pal. It is always important to make sure every part of a realistic re-construction is accurate. So I sniffed the cardboard until musty wet hair, mud, and feces filled my cubicle and my neighboring animators cubicles. It took about 15 minutes.
And voila! You're done. I admit, now that it's constructed, this creature bears a striking resemblance to something from my memory... but what?... I dunno, working on films as I do, sometimes the fiction of fantasy has a tendency to creep in to my reality. It is possible that This glimmer of realization is nothing more than an overactive imagination. Nonetheless, Pig is a cute addition to my toys sitting on and around the computer. Thanks again, A & K.
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